In a quirky -and slightly disturbing – twist of fate, a good 90% of my friends in High School have gone on to be teachers. Having contributed towards this stat myself up until 3 months ago, I have a deep empathy for those involved in end-of-semester-suicide time.
Well, it seems school reports are due at the moment, because gesigboek is full of it. Unlike my poor friends, I never had to come up with a neat summation of the little horrors I was lecturing for the quarterly edification of their parents (For this I am deeply and profoundly grateful). True, I had my fair share of personal parental run-ins, but the sheer horror of having to comment not just on students’ work quality but on their personalities might just have driven me to a more serious contemplation of that fourth floor balcony.
In solidarity with my CT friends in the business of moulding our country’s young minds, I propose helping them out a little with some suggestions. Those who have had the privilege of marking assignments will all know how hard it is to think of 127 fun and exciting ways to say “Future McDonald’s employee.” So, join with me in this little game. Hell, add your own…you know you want to.
Little Jonny certainly displays a commendably advanced appreciation for musical theatre. It would be appreciated, however, if he could keep such activities extra-curricular. I might also add at this point that three inch heels are unsuitable wear for the playground, as they may contribute to injuries not covered by the school insurance broker.
Simphiwe has benefitted from a rigorous moral upbringing. However, if she could refrain from compulsive experimentation with the less savoury portions of the Christian oeuvre (hellfire springs to mind), the caretaker would be most grateful. A natural leader, certain of the more impressionable members of the class have, upon occasion, been conscripted – or should I say converted! – into her graphic reenactment of the immaculate conception. I believe you may want to refresh this section with her, as I’m rather afraid to say her version involved the canteen turkey baster and Miss Bettingswaith has reported the Friday roasts haven’t been the same since.
Whilst Mildred undoubtedly has a bright future ahead of her as a speed hotdog eating champion, our current canteen facilities are regrettably unable to cope with the demand she places upon them. We count ourselves fortunate to have a most advanced laboratory, courtesy of last year’s successful “Bring a Predator to Work” fundraiser. Mrs Blignaut in Biology would be happy to talk you through some of the technologies available to you.
Ah, Brent. In some cases, preventative vasectomy may be the kindest option. I think we may have come to that point. Mrs Bilgnaut is currently rather busy, but will be happy to prioritise your needs.
